October 6, 2008
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Mercy Wash
Dear Folks,
Above I have photos of my parents when they came to visit us here in South Korea.
Ooo. This'll be a short entry today. I have work to do, and the deadline is closing in on me, nine days hence. I am checking the English on a paper for some academics here.
Here we have My Flagship and My Dandelion, left to right, leaning against My Arm.
Still, I'd like to procrastinate here a bit, as it seems to help me get going, ready to tackle that thing that is no fun. I disagree with the content. It is a city planning paper on the construction of science parks (little imitations of Boston Route 128 or Research Triangle Park, and they talk about "government contributed" this and "government contributed" that, as if there were no such thing as a research group which ever got off the ground without wholesale bucket loads of government money.
Of course, that's fine and peachy if you are a socialist country and don't mind funneling your tax dollars to create jobs high paying fun secure jobs for the highly educated. But that rubs me the wrong way.
You know, when Bill Gates got his start, it wasn't from a government grant. He had no such job security. And deep down inside, I feel like they are wasting their money; it seems that there is something very important about the starving artist situation which works as a cauldron to bring out the best in a creative effort. In a globalized world, only the best will do, no?
As I cleaned a decaf coffee cup for me this morning, I glanced down into the unforgiving sink, looking at the dirty dishes, wishing I had the time to do a "mercy wash" for my beloved brood. They are alloted one bowl, one plate, one cup, one spoon and one fork a piece, which they must be responsible for cleaning. We know which item belongs to which child so no one may use another person's things. The point is to encourage them to either clean their stuff or be hungry, ostensibly a strong motivator.
The thing is, the drink water without a cup, with their extended lips stretched out to catch the falling water from the Cheong Soo Gee (water cooler purifier), spilling the excess on the floor, getting Mom upset. And we catch them eating with their fingers from the common bowls in the fridge, sometimes hiding. That, though is leveling off, abating. They are learing to follow the rules.
Still, I feel motivated to sometimes whisk through the kitchen and clean everything up during the middle of the week. It is Tuesday now. You see, Mom cleans everything once each week on Sunday morning while we are away at Church. That is grace. I just would like to have time to give them a little extra, a mercy wash, so to speak.
My Clever Lad and I at School
Well, we have one more thing we cannot throw away now. My Clever Lad, only four years old, apparently remembers his grandfather, who died in a small plane crash last year. He had a small tractor in his hand, a wind-up thing, which has a track to go with it, one which is approaching the tatters state now, but which he still loves. My wife and I had talked about tossing it several times. After this morning, it becomes clear we cannot. My Clever Lad said he wanted the track. I said "OK, we'll try to find it." He countered, "That's the track Grandpa gave me." Oh.
He still remembers his grandfather. I doubted he would remember him, since he was 2, nearly 3, when he died. But as his other grandfather used to say when he was 1 nearly 2, "He understands everything." Even though he could not speak, he knew all that was going on and understood much of what was said. It was uncanny. And his maternal grandfather kept smilling, laughing, and pointing that out. The Clever One. We will keep the track. It folds up into a book, made all of cardboard.
Love, Padooker
P.S. Just before logging in here to Xanga Galore, I watched a trailer for "Revolutionary Road," with Leonardo DiCaprio. I had thought it might be good, on account a how come I liked the big ship movie so much, but the trailer made me feel like the characters were just spoiled young people, unwilling to accept the basic responsibilities of being adults. So much for adventure.
Comments (10)
When Teen Dude was born he took a liking to my father. That day in the hospital he wrapped his fingers around one of Dads. As they visited over the next months, then 1, then 2 they would have the best times together. My dad could sooth him and crack him up. They would lie on the floor nose to nose and very happy to be there. My father passed when my youngster was 3. He looked everywhere for his grandfather in the house when we arrived for the funeral and family gathering. When we got back home I would hear him talking away in his room. "Who are you talking to honey?" "Papa S," he'd state quite matter of factly. Don't throw out the track. They know so much more than us.
@Jaynebug - We will certainly keep it awhile. I can make no absolute promises with my wife's penchant for getting rid of things, though. I an earlier post I mentioned that she sweeps all things, toys and trash to the middle of the house, sitting on the floor as she sweeps, with a plastic bag tied around her ankle to enable her to slide, pulling the trash towards her, then backing away. Once everything is in the middle, it all gets dumped in the trash. She is eminently practical. But I keep a watch out, when I know of her sweeping, something she does twice a week. I swoop down like a hawk and rescue a few toys from time to time. But just as often, parts of toys get tossed that way.
It is a nice counter balance to my pack rat tendency.
That's an interesting visual you describe. Probably a good idea. I'm so sentimental, I end up packing things away so the children can decide if they want to keep something later. They don't want to get rid of much, but when it's been out of sight for a while, they sometimes are less attached. I guess I need a wife like yours. The King is a pack rat too.
@Jaynebug - Did you read the essay "Why I want a wife?" I suppose you did, back in high school or college. It was sarcastic, and funny, but helped people to realize the full value of a house-person. I am that, a househusband, although I am the sole bread weinner. My wife works on her studies all the time, and was never much the sort of personality to deal super gently with kids.
I read that pack rats have something "wrong" with their brains; one part is different, with more or less activity (don't remember which) in one are that shows up on CAT scans. Weird. Made me think. It was in a NT Times article I was reading, and said pack-rat'ing was not necessarily bad, if you could find a way to positively link your predilection to save everything to society. It gave the example of a man who had just about driven his wife crazy by saving every single broken part from lighthouse lanterns. He and she lived by a lighthouse, as he worked there, lighthouse keeper, I suppose. He had so many parts stacked up to the ceiling that they could barely move about in their house, lighthouse too.
But a few decades later, he was happy to give up parts when lighthouse keepers around the world called for spare parts to repair their older styled lanterns, rather than buy new ones right off the bat. Companies had given up servicing the older ones. He was then a happy man, happy to share. I have been trying to find ways to share the things I have collected here in my twelve year stint in South Korea, Land of the Morning Calm. We have a deadline to leave this place two or three years hence, whenever my oldest would be required to go to middle school.
I am the housewife who works out of my home most of the time. I pass on much of my own pack ratting to others who, like you and the guy with the parts, I just so happen to have the paintbrushes or extra cloth, or recycled plactic cups for the kids at school to paint with. What comes around should be shared.
@Jaynebug - Yes, I agree. I, too, see value in little things that others may not value. I just get overwhelmed by it. South Korean apartments are tiny, with a capital T. Plus, we are leaving in two years. But I'm sure that I will be back at it once we buy a home in the countryside in North Carolina (if not Virginia). And if we have a small barn or shed out back...
It's good you are able to find takers for some of your stuff.
I had a friend who moved out of a five bedroom home. (something both you and I could fill with children), mine is a two bedroon with 5 of us. She and her mom had it filled to the rafters. It was a "head trip" for those of us who helped them. You could see that their "stuff" was to try and fill a missing gap in their lives. Sad and kind of sick. I came home and looked around to ascess my own mind. Nope! Mine was things we used and recycled. I think of her home every time I clean my clutter to keep me on top of it. I also don't just buy things. No room and why be so wasteful with stuff. I'd rather be outside walking in the sunshine or rain for that matter. Stuff doesn't fill me up.
Oh, I had a bad habit of buying things, though I have gotten much better about it in the past few years. I used to buy toys and snacks for my children just whenever. And children will take full advantage of the "whenever" bit. My wife helped me to realize just what a problem it was, in terms of clutter (having more toys than the children could manage) and lost savings.
I was unwittingly nickle and diming us into relative poverty. We save better now, despite earning much less money, about 40 percent of what I used to when I had fewer children and more gumption for teaching just anybody who would darken our doors. Back then, I had house debt and was eager to pay that off. Since then, I got more children I need to care for and at the same time have become more picky about whom I am wiling to teach. Many groups of young students come to my home wanting lessons but are just not serious about learning, too noisy, just want to play games. I can't put up with that as well as I used to.
My grandmother's example should have played a role in my mind the way your friend and her mother did with their home, with it chock-full of stuff to fill emotional gaps. When my grandmother died, my mother had to pick through all of her little trinkets, parsing the good from the bad, or determining what was worth keeping. She said it was a heavy burden to do that, and vowed she would not leave us with so much stuff to sift through.
Yes, I agree about walking in the sun and rain. It is essential for me to get my children out to walk and play in the park. Yesterday, on the way home from the swimming pool, I let my children tarry for about 30 minutes, looking for insects to feed their animals at home. We currently have two turtles and a toad, plus several praying mantii and about ten rhinocerous beetle larvae. The praying mantii eat spiders and my son catches them daily. I sort of wish he would just let them go. My wife very much wishes he would set them free. The toad seems to enjoy worms. I hate to see the praying mantis eat a nice big juicy garden spider. Not only are they beautiful, but they eat a lot of bugs themselves. It seems like the praying mantii should have to compete just like every other insect.
@choosenservant - My work is some of both, that to bring in cash, and that which is solely mission. I charge nothing when I teach the Bible. And I teach only the King James. Too, whenever I agree to teach for a church, I make them guarantee that they do not limit the audience, meaning atheists and people of other faiths are welcome, provided they are civil.
I am a pack rat and have made major steps to get that under control. Sometimes the best blessings are when an external event destroys many of the things I have saved.
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